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July 1st, 2005


09:56 pm - the whole world broken down like this ...
... the low, insistent jingle of nugget's cat ball toy, being batted and scattered over the wood dining room floor ... scritch and scratch ... kitten claws on smooth (fake) wood ... what i like about nugget is wide eyed enthusiasm and constant curiousity ... i can remember not-so-distantly when i looked at everything the same way ... pupils glowing like that ... it's wonderful ...

i am

eyeing a box of cap'n crunch ... green crunchberries ... taste green ... make my mouth green ...

sitting on the dark red sofa -the uncomfortable one that sinks my lower body uncomfortably into it - legs crossed, temporary computer resting awkardly on my lap ...

i smell nice though ... shower 30 minutes ago ... i discovered baby powder and this lotion my dad uses ... i could smell myself all evening long ...

www.poems.com ... looking for something profound, or just something a little less mundane ... something beautiful ... i think i found it ... and i'm ok with not having written it ...

abandon one project, scatter around a bit in another ...

my head feels clearer than it's felt in ages ...

everything is not so silent inside me ... i like the snippets of thought that are almost important and real ... i didnt think i was capable of much more than slack-jawed observations ... rather than actual analytical ... whatever ...

my brother has discovered my acoustic guitar ... plays along to his favorite mp3s ... i am curious ... because he has an ear for picking up music ... he's not obsessed like i am though ... with the radio ...

this week i have felt like a short order cook ... prepare chop cook assemble serve ... clean up ... brew coffee late nite ... bake bake ... flour on the front of my favorite black sabbath t shirt ... an d on my knee ... baking bread with punk jeans on ... holes in them ... i have a lip ring ... and an apron ...

i used to bake in my underwear ...

when i lived alone ... i wanted to talk talk talk

and now ... i want to be quiet and feel like talking ...
Current Mood: restlessrestless
Current Music: Spoon "Gimme Fiction"

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May 1st, 2005


07:40 pm - blankity blank you blanking blank
i'm at a complete and utter loss as to what i'm doing, where i'm going ... this is the last week of school (finals week is the following but it's going to be rather uneventful, with just one final to speak of) ... on May 14 we are moving ... and i'm using it as an opportunity to really start over ... become something adult-like ... find some ambition again ... all i could think of was that i used to be so good ... i used to at least be able to feel like despondency and apathy wasnt the only emotion i could muster up ... ive eaten all day and read things ... scattered words here and there ... the hum and clatter of the television people is providing enough of a distraction to sate me ... i work half a day tomorrow and i'm still exhausted ... i slept and slept and slept for almost two whole weeks ... i still havent changed out of my sleep-clothes ... cultivating horrific habits ... my pants dont fit very well anymore ...
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: ryan adams - 'dear chicago'

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January 11th, 2005


12:09 pm - my Weird Neighbor.
My Weird Neighbor has a hairless cat and an iguana. It's hard to tell them apart, actually. Except when he puts clothes on the cat.

now, ol' dirty catface (george, my cat, to clarify) has a shirt he likes to wear. but i like to think i have nothing in common with my weird neighbor.
Current Mood: gigglygiggly
Current Music: David Bowie. rebel, rebel

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